Core beliefs that fuel bulimia - response to Shaye's newsletter #7
(Los Angeles, Calif.)
Hi Shaye –
Your bulimia recovery newsletter #7 about core beliefs is great! In response I’d like to share a core belief of mine…
Core belief: I’ll be good enough when I look different then I do now. Instead of taking care of my body today I’ll put it off until I am that magic, pretty weight. I’ll wear certain clothes (shorts, skinny jeans etc) when I achieve that special weight because I am not good enough now to celebrate my body.
I’ve lived life based on this core belief and I started living with eating disorders around age 12...
when I was 12, I wasn’t cute enough to fit in
when I was 13, I wasn’t skinny enough
when I was 15, I wasn’t popular enough
when I was 28, I wasn’t skinny enough or talented enough
when I was 33,I simply wasn’t enough for anything or anyone!
Now I am 34 and I want to be enough for me. If I am not enough for me then I’ll live another 20 years (that’s a long time!) feeling less than and punishing my body for not being good enough.
Good enough for what? When I was a little girl I thought if I looked different (if I was pretty and skinny) then I'd be good enough for my dad to love me more then his addiction and good enough for my grandpa to not molest me. Of course when I was old enough to understand everything, logic told me that my body had nothing to do with either issue. But that core belief was created at a young, young age and I’ve made a lot of decisions based upon it – over 20 years worth of decisions.
I do believe the way we think of ourselves is powerful and that power can be channeled into self destruction or self revelation and recovery. Every day I am working on changing my negative core belief to be this: I am enough for me, I am enough to give and receive love, I am happy with who I am (inside and out)!
You are amazing Shaye! I really appreciate your newsletters and your website. Thank you so much for all that you do! :)
Love - Jennifer
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