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confused and afraid...

by Ellie
(England)

Hi im ellie and i think i might have an eating disorder. I am very self concious and i hate myself, words cant even explain how much. It started off as me going on a diet to make myself skinny and pretty.but i couldnt. I cant not eat, its like its impossible and im brainwashed from the moment i start to eat. I then tried starving myself,but again, i couldnt resist. I then ended up deciding that i would starve myself during the day at school and only eat around my family but it wasnt good enough. I tried that but then ate and ate and ate, i then started buying food and hiding it in my room and eating at night.thats when the purging started. I couldnt eat a thing without feeling disgusted with myself so i decided i would bring it back up. I swore to myself that i would rarely do it. No i end up binging and purging at least once a day, sometimes twice. I dont know what to do, part of me thinks that i couldnt have an eating disorder because im too fat but im getting scared now. I was wondering if anyone could help? Im sorry if this isnt the sort of thing that would normally be posted here :(

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


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