confused about bulimia
I'm really confused about my whole "bulimia" I never considered myself having it and I would always convince myself I could stop purging whenever I wanted to but the problem was that I never wanted to!
I was purging about 2 to 3 times a day for 3 to 4 months and lost about 45 pounds but after a while I started feeling really guilty every time I did it and embarrassed if anybody ever found out. I feel like one day I just completely realized what I was doing and I broke down crying for about an hour and I couldn't stop it and after that day I was so scared to keep doing it and even though I still did I started to gradually cut down and for a while I stopped doing it completely but there are days that I binge and purge and sometimes for a week straight ill do it everyday and then I won't do it again for 2 weeks maybe even a month!
So that's why I'm just so confused I don't know if maybe I just went through a phase, because how could I just stop doing it by myself with out anybody's help?
I'm sorry I didn't mean to tell you my whole life story but I'm just confused and I don't have anyone to talk to about this!
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated :)
Good to hear from you! Don't worry about "telling me your whole life story" I would actually like to read it anyway :)
To be diagnosed with bulimia the 'professionals' say that you need to binge and purge on average more than once every 3 months... So by the sounds of things if you went for professional diagnosis they would say you're bulimic... But then I don't really see the point in that because you know something is not right and are already looking for answers and solutions.
It sounds like you havn't been caught up in bulimia for too long... and so are able to switch it on and off more easily than most people... This is a good thing - it will make full recovery much easier! I had bulimia for over 10 years - which meant that my automatic response to anything was to binge and purge... it was very engrained in my subconscious mind... Which meant a lot of work was needed to kick the bing and purge cycle and heal my self esteem (but I did it!)
I am totally confident that you can fully recover too :)
You need to start asking yourself why you binge and purge... Look at what triggers it. Does it happen more when you're stressed out? Angry? Feeling bad about yourself?
There is always a deeper cause to bulimia that simply having no self control.... For many years I thought the reason I binged and threw up was because I was greedy and had no self control to restrict my food... the truth was so different. I was bulimic because I was repressing emotions and feelings with food - and I had a belief that I had to be thin to be accepted and loved... once I healed these things, I could finally begin learning how to eat normally again...
I hope that this helps you... Please feel free to use my site as much as you need - and if you have any other questions - please ask... I will reply to every one :)
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