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college prison

Hello everyone,
I am a current binge eater and purger. I am a sophmore in college and have had this disorder for over a year now. I can not stop. I have a history of being overweight in high school and middle school but managed to lose it healthily a couple years back with diet and exercise. The moment I began to put a few pounds back on though my self esteem plummeted and I had a stressful senior year and freshman year in college. I learned by accident one night after partying last year that I could throw up that nights late pizza run and had lost a pound the next morning. It was a great feeling knowing I could lose weight while still eating what I wanted. So this habit grew over the summer and into my sophmore year. Evenutaully, my roommates found out and told my family. They urged me to get help but I am still in school and they couldn't monitor whether I did or not. I told everyone I had quit but have still been doing it all this time. It is a habit now. The worst part being Ive actually gained weight in this whole process and don't understand how. Which depresses me even more leading to more binging etc.... My grades and social life have suffered immensely. I might have to drop out and move back home bc of it. All I ever want to do is cry, I feel like I'm losing myself and my closest friends to this disease. Outwardly I'm very outgoing and known as the funny girl to all my friends, I would do anything for anyone and just like to see the people I love happy. I however seem to not care about myself. I'm miserable behind the screen I put up. If anyone has a word of advice I would greatly appreciate it.
Thank you for reading,

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program