Chris, I'm bulimic
(Missoula, MT USA)
Chris, I love you so much. I never believed I would be or deserved to be loved by someone as wonderful as you. You are everything I value in another human being, smart, funny, down to earth and kind. I value having you in my life so much that I have hidden a part of myself to keep you close to me. I am bulimic. I have been bulimic since I was 16 and I am deeply ashamed. I hide this from everyone so that I can protect myself from the judgment and rejection that I believe would be inevitable if they knew. I have hidden it from you because I didn't believe you would want to be with me if you knew. I was wrong to do this, you deserve to know who I am and it is your decision to make if you want to be with me, not mine. I hope you love me enough to stay with me while I recover. I want recovery for myself and also for the future that I dream for us. I want to be a healthy, happy woman who can love you and myself fully. You deserve that and so do I. I have also not told you that I am in therapy for this and have been taking antidepressants to help make recovery more possible. Again, this is all because of shame, shame of this addiction and the shame of hiding from you for so long. I am so sorry that I have kept this wedge between us that prevents the true closeness that I want to have with you. I am telling you this so that we may hopefully move toward that closeness and live in an honest and open relationship. I hope that you are not mad at me and I am terrified that I will lose you but you needed to know this and that is more important than my fear. I want you to know that I am the same person you know now and what we have shared is real. This is just one more part of who I am. I am totally open to talking about any of this with you and answering your questions completely honestly.
I love you with all my heart, Kasey
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