carbs and bloating in bulimia recovery
Today i did well throughout the day but when i came home i made a great dinner...brown rice...Brussel spouts and a sweet potato with cinnamon and honey. I ate it and when I was full I stopped. then about an hour later my stomach was wayyyy full and I was worried because I was supposed to go to sleep soon and then I just felt so full that I was scared I wouldn't sleep...and I just had the biggest urge to binge/purge...and then I did....ugh after like an hour and something of letting the meal settle. Now I feel worse because im actually taking in some calories during the day and even partial dinner i guess and then now I feel like im just going to be gaining more weight for eating and binge/purgeing....I used to just purge EVERYTHING so now that im taking in more calories and doing that i feel so distressed...maybe even MORE distressed than I did before I started this recovery. Please any advice or personal experience. Im freaking out.
It was like I felt like I BP because my stomach had the "bulimic bloat" so therefore it was a trigger to binge...since my stomach was already huge ya know. I know that the belly is part of recovery but if thats the one thing thats making me binge then im scared...i want to stop this so bad. yet im so scared of gaining weight through this process. I like my body how it is right now. Even though its unhealthy. damn it.
Do you think it was the rice that made my stomach bloat? or the veggies? i mean i need to work on eating things that dont make me bloat like that so i dont want to purge....right now I have kept down....fruits and veggies and yogurt and cereal...those things i managed to deal with....this was my first time trying rice. I wanted rice though because I feel like my body is craving carbs...like when I eat salad all the time i feel like my body wants bread and stuff....so what should I do? what was your carbs and what made you not bloat so much? im sorry if im bothering you...ok I need sleep. will try this again tomorrow...ugh i feel gross right now too because I feel constipated and because of the things I did eat today. I just want to go back to normal.
It sounds like you had a tough day yesterday! I remember what it's like - and it can be very scary trusting your body with food again...
Keep reminding yourself "I can handle food" It's one of the obstacles in recovery - actually believing that your body will accept food and you won't balloon.
You might gain a little bit of weight during your recovery - but remember, you'll be holding a lot more water (because you wont be dehydrated) so that's part of the weight. You just need to remind yourself that a life free from bulimia is SO worth a few kg's...
That's not to say you will definitely gain weight - some people don't. Some people even loose weight... But, for a while, just try not to focus on your body - focus on your health and recovery.
I was terrified of gaining weight too... But I knew that if I wanted to recover there was a chance that I would gain a little while I was getting used to the b/p free lifestyle (as I would till binge from time to tome but not purge) I accepted this and reminded myself that if I wanted to, I could always try lose that weight in a healthy way once I was recovered.
It turns out that I gained 3kg's during my recovery - and I have never lost it... Once my life was no longer ruled by the scales and bulimia - those 3 kg's didn't seem important.
The rice could have caused the bloating... It took me a few months before I comfortable eating small amounts of rice and heavy breads etc. I used to eat those thin crisp breads (we call them cruskits here in NZ) to get some carbs into my meals... I'd top them with avocado, tomato and a little bit of cheese. they were delicious and didn't make me get that over-full feeling.
Try adding more healthy fat - it will help you feel satisfied without feeling over-full. Avocados, nuts, olive oil in salad dressings. Don;t be scared of fat - it's important to give us that 'satisfied feeling' after meals. If you just eat fruit, or just eat vegetables, you'll be more likely to feel like you just want to keep eating and eating.
It takes a while to learn how to eat again - and to train your body to eat normally... But, if you persist it will happen! Just keep reminding yourself that these difficult times are temporary - and recovery is forever!
DO you mind if I post this conversation on my site? I know that if others read it it they will get some helpful tips from it - so I think it could be good to share it?
I hope today goes well for you Kaylee! Remember to be kind to yourself!