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Can't seem to win the battle... physical signs of this disorder are upsetting..

by Esther Hratog



I feel hungover... everymorning! I'm thinking it's due to purging the night/day before. I surprize myself how much I can eat sometimes.

I'm studing an education degree at the moment, when I look around at other students I wonder if anyone else thinks about food, and what they consume as much as what I do?

I'm selfish

.. useless.. ungreatful..

These have dominated my thoughts for over..hmm well my whole life..

I've been heavily bulimic for over 4 years now.. and still suffer these thoughts..

I used to sportmodel and was very successful, I know anatomy and physiology like a text book.. but can't stop the damage?!

I cant tell anyone! My BF knows, he buys me hydrolyte's and is super amazing, i'm so guilty all the time, even when he asks how the bulimia is going, i cant lie, there is so much concern on his face? To be honest I'm not even sure if i'm in control?

I grew up in a blended family, infact my mother gave up on me when i was about 14yo (i'm 23yo). I've never known my Dad very well, there was alot of emotional abuse, and nothing has changed.

I've lived a life without boundarys and have succeeded academically, I have great friends, and a good support network in my church..

But the bulimia is an invisable clutch to the rejection and disappiontment. Its hard to let go, and when I try, I cant cope with the pain!

My body suffers, given me depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, my throat hurts, my tummy hurts, my skin is so dry, my brain hurts, I just got tested for diabetes...

when I see myself.. I'm worried..

However, coming acoss this site I am realising that I will and can beat this, every visit gives me confidence, Shaye you're beautiful!

I hope to be happy and healthy very soon, It nice to know that there is support, others that are recovering trully aspiring and strength to you.. thankyou so much... trully a blessing for much needed advice..


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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program