Bulimic for over 30 years - Desperate to Change
From reading the other stories on this site which I just came across yesterday, I think I'm the oldest person here. Unfortunately that's because I've been bulimic for over 30 years. I really don't know how I've hidden this for so long and I hope all the people coming here that are in their teens and 20's can find a way out of this so they don't waste their lives like I have feeling so crazy and isolated from the world.
My bulimia started when I was in my teens but I first remember bingeing when I was around 9 or 10. Hiding in my room with bars of chocolate and eating all the biscuits I could find in the house etc. My mother used to tell me when she caught me that I was going to be sorry when I was older and fat. She was always dieting when I was growing up so weight was always an issue in my house. I was quite athletic when I was a kid and very good at gymnastics. I had a male coach one year who made fun of my "fat thighs" one day. That hurt hugely and I think it was shortly after that I started dieting myself. Deprivation led to cravings which led to binges etc. etc. I discovered throwing up in my teens and I've been doing it ever since. Sometimes I go a few days without binging and then I'll do it four times in a day. I was also drinking heavily up until last year when I quit alcohol completely. I've been focused on that and now it's time to finally deal with bulimia once and for all. I feel like an idiot (especially as I'll be 50 in a couple of years) and hope I can find my way back to sanity.
I will keep coming to this site as it is helpful to hear other people's stories and get inspiration.
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