Bulimia,anxiety,pregnancy before after and during pregnancy brings miracles and alot of mahaem
by shari de silva
My name is shari de silva I am 18 years old and have recently become a mum. I have had bulimia since i was about 15 and i have been worried about my weight since i was 8 (people have always commented on my "chubbyness"). I have been to hospital 3 times for bulimia twice when i was 15 and just recently. I was living in a caravan and i have lived out of home since i was 16.
This story is to help others know they are not alone and to try and get a point across about how hard it is to have a child and be bulimic. I am still recovering but this is my honestly open story and im ready to be judged but you see i have faith in god and i know this story needs to be herd.
I was bulimic before during and after pregnancy I was trying to recover during but kept failing and then being diagnosed with gestational diabetes and having to follow a strict diet with restricting foods i ended up caving in. The guilt and shame i felt was incredibly painful, i knew i was hurting her but too me she was not real yet.
Since i was 16 i prayed to fall pregnant and i did try to without my x knowing not for him to stay with me but for someone to fill my loneliness and also for a novelty. Then when i got with my new partner Phil, my prayers changed from wanting a child for myself to wanting a child for another person as well and the reasons grew i wanted a baby for lonliness, unconditional love, to have someone there for me if phil and i were to brake up and to save phil and I. You see me and my partner were both pretty hard drinkers before i had my daughter. That's how me and my partner actually met at the pub because i was a barmaid and he was a drunk haha. Anyway we were about to go down a terrible path because i started experimenting with speed and phil use to be a junkie (i know this sounds bad). But just at the right time before phil and i went down this path i got pregnant with my daughter a week after i turned 18! haha God knew when the right time was!
During my pregnancy i was the most lonely because i didnt have a job (because i quit due to the owners acting like i was more of a burden then anything) so i was in our caravan all day by myself because i had no license so all i did all day until 20 weeks was binge and vomit. Everyone commented on my size and it made me feel disgusting i gained 4 kg in the first 12 weeks and that was "off the scale" apparently to the textbooks. I was so depressed and i hated myself for it i was worried i would hurt my child but it was just not REAL to me then. At 20 weeks something kicked in and i started trying my hardest to stop vomiting i would go a week then end up giving in and that happened until 26 weeks when i was diagnosed with gestational diabetes which made it all worse in my opinion with the strict dieting.
Sorry guys im a bit tired so i will leave it here if you would like me to write more please email me firstname.lastname@example.org
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