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The Worst Of all Bulimia Side Effects... My memory Loss

During my 10 year bulimia battle I suffered from nasty bulimia side effects...

  • Rotten and decaying bulimia teeth
  • Swollen chipmunk cheeks
  • Pale lifeless skin
  • An irregular heartbeat
  • Nasty sores on my mouth caused by constant vomiting

But, none of these bulimia side effects can compare to my memory loss - which I'll never get back...

 

The most Permanent of all My bulimia side effects: Memory Loss...

Before I give you a heart attack, I must explain that I'm not getting alzheimers or anything like that...

By memory loss, I mean the years of my life that I lost to bulimia... Years that went by - seemingly without any memory... Blank years, when every ounce of my being was obsessed with food, throwing up, dieting and weight.

Bulimia is the only conclusion I have for the lack of memories I have between the ages of 14 and 19... Throughout almost every experience I had - I wasn't present... My mind was elsewhere... Obsessing over food, obsessing over throwing up and obsessing over abusing myself...

For all those years - I was there in body - but mentally, I was far away.

Because of this, I hardly remember a thing.

 

Living With The Consequences Of Bulimia...

To this day, I'll meet people who stop and talk to me... They ask how the family is, if I still do springboard diving, how university went and so on... They'll greet me by name... But I have absolutely no idea who they are... They're not even familiar.

It happened just yesterday in fact...

I was doing the grocery shopping and I saw this man looking at me... Then he smiled and shouted "Shaye!". He chatted away for a while and I tried to make sense back to him... I guessed I knew him from the gym way back - but by his reaction - I realised I was wrong... He looked confused and offended. I stumbled my way through the awkward conversation before excusing myself in a hurry!

My guess is that I met that man during a time when my mind was obsessing over 'other things'... I may have talked to him, even met him a number of times... But, each time we came into contact I wasn't truly there...

Another example of my memory loss is with a guy I dated for about 8 months during a very extreme phase of my bulimia...

I don't have a single clear memory from our entire relationship. I can't even remember how he asked me out... This guy was the person I lost my virginity to - and I hardly even remember it. I just remember wondering what all the fuss was about - and wanting him to fall asleep so that I could go and raid the pantry!

But... Not all of my memories were lost...

I do have flashbacks from time to time...

Unfortunately though, they're mostly of public toilets.

 

From a recovered bulimic - to somebody who is still suffering - I have two pieces of advice I'd like to share...

1) Dive into your bulimia recovery...

Bulimia side effects get worse with time... So, I hope you consider making your commitment to recovery today. This doesn't mean that you should never binge and purge again... It just means that you turn and face the direction of recovery - and take baby steps until you get there.

There are a lots of helpful resources that could be your 'first step' towards recovery... You could ring up a therapist and ask for help or you could open up to somebody you trust and ask them to support you.

Alternatively, you could join The Bulimia Recovery Program and support community - I have confidence in the information and support I offer there. To learn more about my program, click here. But as I say, there are a number of good first steps you can take... Choose the step that feels right to you :)

And then, as Nike says "Just do it!" ;)

 

2) Don't postpone savoring moments and enjoying life...

Start right now. Give focus and attention to the positive things in your life... Realize that you'll never get this moment back...

Take a deep breath, relax your mind and allow yourself to be happy... Allow yourself to make memories...

Say to yourself "Right now, I'm going to focus on savoring the moment - I'm going to focus on being happy and remembering this for the rest of my life"

Doing this will not only enable you to make happy memories... But the happiness you focus on will make you a more positive and cheerful person... A person who is more capable of beating bulimia.

 

Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program

 

 

 

 

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