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Bulimia ruins your life

by A

I remember a time when bulimia didn't rule my life and I could eat normally and not care about a calorie. I was happy and knew when I had enough to eat.

Where did it all go wrong?

It all started when I first developed psoriasis. I researched online what not to eat in order to relieve my psoriasis. My body was covered. I was desperate to try anything and so I began, restricting certain food in order not to trigger new psoriasis patches. I became fanatic about every morsel I put in my mouth as I had nightmares about more psoriasis breaking out.

I did further research which lead me to remove my tonsils in order to clear my psoriasis. This cleared up my psoriasis along with the help of UVB treatment. Finally, I was clear from psoriasis. I was so happy but thoughts began to niggle " what happens if it comes back?"

I continued with restricting my food intake and checking my skin religiously for new lesions. At the same time, I got a new job which lead to a long commute each day. I would barely eat all day as I was so busy in work and would then have the long trek home. I would survive on a bowl of cereal, soup and some crackers. Then I discovered I could burn more calories by exercising. I would run excessively each day and joined a gym.

My friends tried to intervene with me but I was having none of it. I knew I was in control if I eat nothing and exercised compulsively. I would still remain my skinny frame and the psoriasis would not return. But then the hunger began to take over and I would binge on the "forbidden food" and purge. I felt no hunger during the day but the hunger would surface at night.

Then one night, I was at a all time low and reeling from one of my religiously of the binges. I took a bunch of sleeping pills to block out the pain and never wake up. I texted one of my friends "Goodbye". An ambulance was rung and I was rushed to hospital.

After this, I wanted to get better and eat normally. Just be normal. I am at a healthy weight now but my bad habits have not left me. I binge and purge. I want to stop but I cannot. I have tried structured eating and speaking to a councillor but it doesn't work. My family and friends think I have recovered but I am concealing and hiding my "friend bulimia".

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program