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Seeking bulimia recovery help can be terrifying. I tried hundreds of times to recover on my own for one reason: Bulimia was my secret and I was too ashamed to share it.
But every-time we decide to walk alone, in secrecy and silence, we harden to the magnificent world around us. We keep ourselves separate and isolated. We loose an opportunity to connect and to heal.
Each time we open up in a safe and loving place, our hearts swell to the love and possibility this life holds for us. We gain hope. We grow. We take a step closer to our true potential.
The temptation to hide is there. It's rooted in shame. It's rooted in fear. Fear that we'll be judged, that somebody might think less of us.
I wanted to continue the act of Shaye - A strong, carefree and successful woman. Oh, and a women who was blessed with the most ridiculously awesome metabolism (or so people thought!)...
I didn't want people to know the truth - that I was scared, lonely and deeply lost in the vicious cycle of binging and purging. I didn't want people to know that my huge appetite and tiny body weren't down to the metabolism I boasted about.
So I hid my experience from the world and by doing this I hardened to the beauty that was all around me.
As a result of hiding myself, I was unable to find healing. I was unable to find recovery. For more than 10 long years, I suffered in silence.
Until I decided that I didn't want to hide and I didn't want to be hard. I wanted the experience of bulimia (and recovery from it) to soften me so that I could see the beauty in this life...
I wanted to live - and to do that, I needed to put down the veil that I was hiding behind.
The first person I spoke to about my bulimia was a counselor at my university. I remember the sweat running all the way down from my armpits and dripping off my elbows. I was petrified of what this woman would think of me. What would life be like when I stopped acting - even if just in front of one person?
The result was a subtle but instant softening of my heart. An opening up to the world, instead of shutting it out. It was scary, but it was beautiful - and I wanted more.
It was many more months before I finally shared my journey with the people I loved in my life, but each time I did - I felt my heart open a little bit further. I felt supported, honest and a deep inner knowing that these were important steps I was taking...
Putting down my armour and allowing myself to be vulnerable was a KEY part of my journey back to freedom...
Freedom that has been mine for over 10 years now. It feels so normal - but still so wonderful.
Life hasn't been without it's challenges - but those challenges have never again been related to food. Food is there to be enjoyed and to be nourished by, it really is that simple for me...
And it can be that simple for you too.
There is a 4th step that is not critical BUT does make the other steps much easier to succeed in...
This 4th step is what I have talked about in this article: To get support.
Find a loving place where you can open up, soften and be vulnerable...
This might be a loving friend or family member. It might be a counselor. It might be the online community in my private online recovery program (Which also teaches you in great detail how to achieve the 3 steps above).
Whatever route you decide to go - Stay strong beautiful...
Stay strong in a in a soft, open and vulnerable way :)
P.S. Here's a video I recently made that is related to this article - I hope you enjoy it!
Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community