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Bulimia - My best and worst enemy

by Kate

I stopped throwing up about 1.5 years ago.
I was 15 when I started and 21 when I stopped. It wasn't everyday. More like 1-2 times a week. My parents never knew about this problem, it was like my best kept secret. I finally told my parents I used to make myself throw up, but they got the wrong end of the stick and thought I just meant I threw up a few times. When I reached uni, I started to recover. I would go months without throwing up. I decided to stop throwing up when I finished my degree and started a full time job.

This year, I suddenly started feeling fat and slightly depressed again. I felt the need to lose weight. I started to eat less and stopped eating chocolate and chips and all that other fatty junk food.

Today I was good. I had some peanuts, half an apple and a bit of a bread roll. But I was so hungry after work that I ate extra helpings of dinner and helped my self to a big bag of chips afterwards. I waited until everyone went to sleep and snuck to the toilet to throw up.

I really hate feeling like this. So depressed about my weight but I feel so proud after I have thrown up. I don't want to end up with rotten teeth, heart problems and other health problems that bulimia causes.

But the thing I am most scared of is gaining weight.
My goal weight is 50kg, only one kg less than my usual weight. So it isn't as if I want to lose a drastic amount of weight. But I know once I start I won't stop.

I want help, because I don't want to wake up in twenty years time and realise my whole life has been centred around Bulimia.
My aunt was anorexic from the time she was 16 until her death at age 42. I don't want to end up like that.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program