Bulimia is the little parasite that lives inside me
(San Diego, CA)
I always watched shows on T.V. when I was younger about girls who had eating disorders. Sitting there watching them, I never understood why they did what they did and felt sorry for them. They were so skinny and I just wanted them to be healthy. I was probably sitting there eating chips too! haha. Anyways, I never thought in the future I would be one of those girls. I went to college, started to party, which meant drinking alcohol and gaining weight. I was obsessed with losing this college weight and didn't care what I had to do. I started off just eating a low calories diet, the recommended 1,200 cals for weight loss and exercising like 1-2 hours a day! but the weight wasn't dropping. Probably because I was still partying and drinking. After so many times of too much drinking and forcing myself to throw up I somehow made a connection like, "hey, i throw up my alcohol and sometimes there's food, why don't I just throw up my food when I'm done. wow I'm genius! I won't gain weight this way!!!" ugh I wish I never had that thought. It totally changed the next couple of years. Basically long story short-after I had that thought I was bulimic for a few months, not badly just like once in a while. Then I became anorexic, eating maybe like 100-300 calories in a day. I lost a lot of weight. Then after a few months and being so skinny it was like my body was begging for food. So I remembered my old trick. Another thought I wish I never had. :( Ever since then I haven't been able to stop. It went from once a week to twice a week to every single day sometimes multiples times a day. I hate this. I have tried so many times to quit but just haven't been able to. I am obviously not doing it right since I usually try to recover by cleansing my body with fasting. lol a big no no since it causes triggers! So my plan is to try this ebook out, try my best to do what I can to stop. If I can't stop by the end of the year I am getting professional help. I want my life back, I want to be social again, I want my slimmer face back, I want my girly knuckles back, I want to feel happy again, I want to be normal with food. I just want bulimia to be gone ASAP!! So here I go..taking a step to get closer to a better, bulimia free life :)
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.