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Bulimia is Ruining My Life

I first started experiencing with bulimia when I was 13. My sister was really obsessed with her weight and I picked up on some her weight loss tricks, one of those being throwing up her food. My bulimia didn't get really bad until I was 17. Now i am 24 and i have never had a worse enemy than my own bulimia in my entire life. I can't escape it. At work, when I got out with friends, at parties, when I'm home by myself, it doesn't matter. There was one point in time when I still was in high school and lived with my mom that I would lock myself in my room and puke into trash bags and hide them in my room until I could throw them away later so that I wouldn't get caught puking in the bathroom by my family. I eat so much, until I am so sick that it is unbearable and then I throw it back up, and feel even worse afterwards because I feel so powerless to stop myself. I started throwing up my food because I thought it would help me to loose weight, but I know if I was able to have normal eating habits I would have a beautiful, normal healthy body. It makes me miserable and I hate myself after every single time I purge. It gets worse and worse every single time, some days I will make myself throw up as many as eight times. I feel so gross and embarresed, I wish I could just have a normal relationship with food. I have no idea what to do to make it stop either. I don't feel like i have anyone i can turn to for help and it's not exactly like i have the money for therapy. I just want to be free from this and no longer have to hide in my bathroom and and kneel in front of my toilet as if it were the God of my life. i want to look and feel as beautiful as I know I am but being bulimic just cripples me and takes over every part of my life that it feel impossible to be happy. I don't want to do this anymore, but it has just become way to big of a part of my life that I don't know how to go through a day without bingeing an purging.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program