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I remember longing for bulimia help to poke it's head over the gray horizon. The days, months and years dragged on and on... But, bulimia help never arrived...
I felt unable to help myself - and unable to ask for it.
10 long years passed and I wallowed in the darkness of bulimia. 10 years I was too ashamed to ask for help...
All that time I believed I was a freak and that if I told anyone about my bulimia they'd think I was revolting... wasteful... out of control. After all - I believed I was all of those things... Why wouldn't others?
After abusing my body for all that time, the side effects of bulimia were inevitable... I had terrible bulimia teeth, extreme anxiety, depression and an irregular heart beat - just to name a few. I was throwing up 15+ times a day - and I knew I was near to death.
I didn't have the time to wait for bulimia help to stumble across me... I had to find it.
I was 20 years old (Although I felt like a timid child) when I finally made the appointment to see a counselor.
Panic set in... What would she think of me?
The truth was that Amanda (my counselor) didn't think I was some kind of wasteful weirdo... She didn't judge me - and she didn't make me feel guilty or ashamed. People often saw her needing help for bulimia... She had seen people like me before (and I thought I was the only one!)
Amanda helped me to realize that I was much more than just 'Shaye the bulimic'. I was Shaye the individual, who had so much to offer the world... who was beautiful the way I was... who was intelligent and fun and friendly and loving... and yes, I did suffer from bulimia... But that was a tiny hiccup in an otherwise beautiful person.
As lame as it sounds - Amanda reminded me how to love myself!
During my year of therapy with Amanda, we practiced a range of treatments for bulimia. These included intuitive eating and many awesome bulimia self help techniques to practice at home.
What I learnt helped me to overcome my urge to binge eat and throw up. Amanda helped me to see how bulimia was strongly linked to my past history of dieting... We also talked about what might have triggered me to diet at such a young age.
My meetings with Amanda ended 6 years ago. Since then I have been healthy, happy and bulimia-free! I've also been free from that awful bulimia-bloat and lazy bowel syndrome!
Booking that first meeting with Amanda was the best decision I have ever made! I don't know if I'd be here, had I not made that call... One thing is for sure... I wouldn't be here writing this article whilst eating a piece of toast - without the slightest urge to go and throw it up! If you suffer from bulimia - you'll understand how wonderful that is! Or, you'll at least be able to imagine it...
But the honest truth is that you don't have to only imagine it! You CAN experience what it's like to eat for enjoyment and nourishment... without the slightest urge to devour the world and then throw it up again...
You CAN recover from bulimia... If I did - then anyone can!
That's the reason I decided to create this bulimia support web site and The Bulimia Recovery Program and private online community... I hope it inspires you to seek bulimia help. I hope that it makes you realize that you CAN have the life of your dreams.
Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community