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I needed a bulimia cure. I had to find one... After nearly a decade of puking my guts out every day, I decided enough was enough.
I was at university and the strenuous routine of 'eat... throw up... study... eat... throw up... study' had completely worn me out. I had nothing left to give. I knew that if I didn't find a treatment for bulimia I'd be found dead with my head down the toilet. What a nice way to go!
Bulimia was killing me... Physically and in spirit.
I began to search the internet each night after my family had gone to bed... Surely somewhere I would find this miracle bulimia cure! It had to exist. I'd google a page and binge on whatever was available while waiting for our slow dial up internet to load. Every now and then I would shamefully slip away to throw up in the kitchen insinkerator. Then back to the computer... The page had loaded - But, my miracle cure was nowhere to be found.
Bulimia was ruining my life...
I found a few gimmicky websites promising a miracle pill or quick course that would do the trick... I was tempted to grab my credit card and pin in the numbers... But somewhere deep inside me - I knew my money would be wasted.
There are no pills that can cure bulimia. I may have been desperate - but I wasn't about to throw my money away.
The search for a bulimia cure was continued at my university library. Surely, hidden in one of those books, I would find what I was looking for. Surely somebody had written something that could save my life.
I could have read until my eyes bled... But, I couldn't find a miraculous bulimia quick-fix.
After a cold miserable day at university... I binged on almost every single scrap of food in our pantry (including an entire loaf of white bread!) My stomach was at popping point - So I went for a shower to get warm and throw it up...
I bent over to puke but nothing came out.
Fingers down throat... Nothing.
The stodgy bread didn't want to budge.
I was beside myself. The panic I felt was unbearable - WHAT IF I COULDN'T THROW IT UP? I would have to DIGEST IT! Never!
If you're bulimic - you'll know what I'm talking about... Right?!
Eventually after 20 minutes of eye-popping attempts, piles of stodgy bile-filled bread were forced out my throat... Half choking me in the process.
I didn't feel the relief that I was expecting to feel... All I felt was a deep sadness. What was I doing to myself? How had I ever let it get this far?
Over that month, I had so many extreme and terrible binges... Including the binge where I ate ALL of the spaghetti bolognaise my dad had cooked for a dinner party. I realized what my bulimia cure had to be. It was something I had been avoiding for 10 years.
Late at night, I jumped online. I went to my University website, and followed the links. The photograph was of a lady in her early 40's. She had slightly wild hair - but a kind smile. I knew what I had to do. I clicked the 'Contact me' below her name.
The following Tuesday was a rainy, miserable Auckland day... And I was feeling incredibly anxious and embarrassed sitting outside the University counselors office.
I had thoughts of just walking out - running, back to the class I was missing... But I knew that would be choosing an easy road to darkness over a difficult road to light.
Amanda walked around the corner. I gulped and my heart began to pound. I was sweating like a pig. I stood up and followed her to her office.
An hour later I walked out feeling as though the weight on my shoulders had been halved. Why had I been avoiding that meeting for over 10 years!
It took about 8 moths of meeting with Amanda before I was totally free from bulimia.
My bulimia recovery wasn't thanks to some miracle bulimia cure... It was thanks opening up, sharing my secret and getting good practical bulimia recovery advice.
If you're looking for a bulimia cure, I recommend this more than anything else in the world... Open up and share your secret. It will help free you :)
If you don't want to visit a therapist - or if you can't afford it - there is another option... I have confidence in the information and support I offer in The Bulimia Recovery Program... My program is practical step by step approach to recovery... Very similar to the steps I used to beat bulimia 7 years ago. The program also gets you involved with an awesome online recovering community for support - so that you can share your secret and begin healing!
My advice... Be patient with yourself. Bulimia took a long time to develop as a strong habit and it will take time to disappear from you life. Don't believe in quick fixes or magic pills. Believe in hard but rewarding work... Believe in yourself!
Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community