Bulimia at 15
Hi my name is Nicole and I suffer from bulimia. This all started at once when I decided to try a new and 'convenient' method to lose my extra weight. I was only 15 at the time and it hurt so bad when it came to purging all the food I had binged right before. Even though I saw the blood coming out, and had the worst sour throats ever.. I still could not find a way to control myself. None of the members in my family knew what was going on.. And they still dont. Now im going onto 17, and Im encoutering bulimia again and Im very scared because I love my life just not my body or my illness. Sometimes I even consider the death as an option but that isnt the way to go. I really want to get out of this- I had managed to contain bulimia for about 3 months .. And I had reduced it to once in around ten days. I went on a diet and really enjoyed eating healthily and because I really didnt want to get fat, I used to purge the small portion of carbs I would consume once in a week. Then it all came back to me at the end of a holiday where I saw a shop full of sweets and I just lost it. I couldn't contol myself any longer. I spent around 30 pounds on different types of chocolate and went to the bathroom and just let myself go. I was so scared that this monster inside me came back. Since we got back home, a month ago, I had managed to recover a day here and there.. But everyday it seems to get worse again and I'm scared to fall into my old habit. Looking up information about bulimia and how its a mental illness and because of severe depression states, made me so worried and I'm crying my heart out everyday because I can't believe that this is my story at the age of 16. Im scared of everything. How to recover, how to tell my parents and their reaction, how to control my illness, how to start appreciating life, how to make this all go away and How to enjoy my teenage years without facing this horrible feeling inside of lack of self confidence, guilt, shame, fatness, ugliness...
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