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bulimia and what i called my life

i was once the most motivated kid on the planet. there was nothing i couldnt do. By the age of 13 i had already accomplished so many feats. I became sponsored in skateboarding. was the strongest kid at my school. ran 4 touchdowns a game and was an excellent wrestler. I was overweight as a child, but lost weight from the sports i was doing and was constantly moving. I was the happiest kid you would ever meet and so outgoing. Life was going good. I started getting alot of attention from the girls and started restricting my foods at 13. But nothing huge. I just never wanted to go back to being overweight. So i would start starving myself more and more. until i got to the point of passing out and dreaming of food(literally)!. I would get so hungry but normally managed to not eat much. until one day, i binge ate and gained 8 pounds that night. I felt so disgusted that i did that for a few days, just eating everything i could and i gained 20 pounds in a few days. Nobody guessed anything was wrong because i was naturally built and could bench 240 at 13. But after i gained 20 pounds i felt devistated and continuously would lose 5 pounds and then gain 10 because of my starving and binging. I quit doing everything i loved doing and was good at, because i felt like losing weight was more important. By highschool it only got worse. i was gaining alot of weight because i would starve off about 5 pounds but would then eat a whole bunch until i ended up gaining weight. People would start making fun of me about being fat, and it just made me want to lose weight even more. I wanted it more than anything. So i started taking more extreme measures by going to saunas excessive running in trashbags. just about anything i could do. But my binging got the best of me most of the time until i got up to around X pounds at 5'6. I then started going to the extremes of throwing up after i ate anything. I was losing weight and didnt care how i did it. i had no energy and all i could think about was food. i became verry depressed and quit talking to people. Everybody started thinking i was on drugs. But i would have rather them think that then to tell them what was really going on. I tried wrestling the next year which was my junior year, and would sometimes pass out before practice. So i had absolutley no energy to actually wrestle,something i once loved and was so good at. Anybody who thought i was not eating or running in trashbags just looked at it like hes a wrestler. I got hospitalized for having a full body cramp due to severe dehydration. I continued binging and purging and it kept getting worse till i did it all day long. My hair was falling out and i was getting really dry skin. I continued getting more depressed and self conscious to where i couldnt even leave my house. I told my parents because i couldnt handle it anymore, and they got me conseling, but that didnt work. I lost all my friends and was no longer the fun person i used to be. I hated living, and started binge drinking to cope. But that just caused more problems. I was emotionally wrecked and hated myself for what i was doing to myself. I ended up barley graduating highschool and lost all the scholarships i could have got through football and wrestling due to this sick disease. It kept getting worse, until i was taken against my will and put into an institution. Since then i have not thrown up one time. And starting to feel like my old self again. This disease took my joy self esteem and my highschool career which is supposed to be the best time of your life but instead it was the worst. If anybody is going through this, dont be embarassed to get help or think you have control. Dont let it take everything away from you as it has me. I am still trying to fix my social anxiety disorder because of bulimia. It caused me to feel so bad about myself i didnt even feel like a person, i hated going around people. Long story short get help before it takes everything away from you. Or worse your life

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of your-bulimia-recovery.com
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community


The Bulimia Recovery Program