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Bulimia and Fear

by Jennifer
(Los Angeles)

With each frantic bite I build the walls of self hate
until I cry and beg myself for mercy.
This is my punishment for not being "enough",
a slow death at the hand of a perfectionist
who screams "you lack!!" and "you're disgusting!!"

I wonder how many moments I've spent dying out of fear that
living would hurt too much?

Allowing self acceptance tonight,
what would that feel like?

Is it possible?
Am I worthy?
Am I enough?

Bulimia says "no".
Bulimia is my fears and insecurities manifested into a physical act of punishment for not being perfect,
for not being enough.

The question I never had the courage or clarity to ask
after all these years is,
not "enough" for what?

I fear that I'm not enough to be loved.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program