Bulimia and depression
by Trying to recover
(Wanna be Australia )
I am thirteen years old and extremely suicidal. I am on the road to recovery which is starting off hard. The first time i tried to kill myself was in second grade. But I started my bulimia in fourth grade. Nobody understands me in my life. I tried to recover in fifth grade, but ended up going to the hospital for digestive problems. So I continued on afterwards, not caring about the long term side effects because I thought I would kill myself before they got to me. By seventh grade, I was anorexic and bulimic, puking up mostly bile and blood. I had lost X pounds and nobody noticed a thing. I began to cut myself with a razor to see if somebody would finally notice me. Nobody. One morning, I decide that I was going to go to the drug store and pick up something to OD on. So in school, while taking a health test, I cried. One of my grandmothers had passed away a week before that and my health teacher thought that was why I was so sad. She asked me if I was okay, and like always, I plastered on a smile and nodded. When she turned to go back to her desk, I wrote about how I was going to kill myself on the test paper. I handed it in. She didn't notice. The day went on until six o'clock, when I planned to end my life. I cut one last time. Ate a whole bag of chips and puked until there was blood. But I didn't kill myself. I cried over the toilet. With my finger in my mouth, I cried. I lasted until three days later on a Monday. I was called down into the school guidance office. They asked why I wrote it. I cried even more. I asked to go to the bathroom and puked as much as I could, thinking it would be my last time ever. They knew. And sent me to the ER. Now that I am recovering, it is still pretty hard. I have binged and purged and run track until the point of nearly fainting. But I'm doing it. Am doing it. And I know everybody else out there can too.
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