bulima and suffering in silence
It all started one day when I ate way too much then I can handle and started to feel severe discomfort in my tummy...
I decided that maybe if I got all the food out by vomiting, I would feel better. Just as I expected, I indeed felt better after I expelled all the food... The discomfort in my tummy subsided... But, that was just a once off thing... The real binge/purge sessions started about a few months later...
Being a boxer, I had to make specific weights during competitions. This means very strict dieting by eliminating all starches and 'unhealthy' food.
Initially, it was good and I dropped pounds during the diet. However, things got pretty tough and it was hard to resist all the good foods for such a long time. Needless to say, I gave into temptation one day and ate something sinful, which triggered a massive binge session...
After the binge was over, I felt really bloated and I knew that my weight would definitely rise. In that moment of desperation, I remembered the time where I vomited to make myself better. So, I went into the toilet, stuck 3 fingers down my throat and let everything out.
After that, I went to check my weight and realised that it didn't go up by much.
That was when the binge/purge sessions started.
From that point on, everytime I ate something I was not allowed to eat, I would just stuff myself with more food to make myself bloated and then puke it all out.
Sometimes I do it once a day, sometimes maybe twice. Every-time I vomit, I tell myself it will be the last time... But, unfortunately I just cant help myself.
And, the thing is, I'm a 17 years old boy and it is really hard for me to seek help because such a disorder is mostly associated with women and my parents will be terrified if they find out.
I really hope someone out there would help me because I really want to get out of this vicious cycle.
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