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Bulima and food have taken over my life

by Alice
(Australia )

I guess i started to feel self conscious when I quit playing sport. From the age of 8 to 15 I was a competitive swimmer and state level soccer player I was participating in sport everyday of the week. I always thought I was thin, just before I quit I was 5 foot 4, and about X kilos. I ate alot but was very thin had a lot of muscle. I decided to quit half way through 10th grade, but I also didn't change my eating habbits. By the start of year 11 I was X kilos. Which really isn't over weight for my hight, but I was small built and all my weight went to my bum and thighs and people started saying I had big legs and my mum started telling me to excercise, so instead I cut back on my eating, I went from eating 5 meals a day, breakfast bowl of cornflakes and soy milk, mid morning snack 2 pieces of toast, lunch salad roll, afternoon snack glass of milk and a banana, dinner meat and veggies, when I adjusted my eating I started eating the same breakfast no morning snack a salad for lunch and a piece of toast at dinner time by the end of year 11 I was weighing X kilos I had Lost X kilos. Mum started to get concerned about my weight and took me to the doctor I had also grown to 5 foot 5 and weighing only X kilos she was concerned she wanted me to try and gain X kilos of fat or Mucsle I didn't though. I continued to lose weight without even knowing I didn't weight myself much because in my mind I was heavy but at my skinniest when mum who was still concerned took me back to the doctors I weighted X kilograms and was only 5,5. I then started to notice I wa maybe a little thin I always had boobs but they were completed gone I started adding fruit and veg to my diet and I also turned 18 in year 12 and started drinking alcohol, I went up to X kilos and managed to maintain that for 6 months, when I started Uni at the start of this year I started eating a piece of cake everyday with my morning latte I had after breakfast because there was a minimum you had to spend on Eftpos and the cake was so appealing, I was use to being told I was so skinny and I was boney and I liked the attention secretly. - being reassured I was skinny. But then within a matter of months about may this year people started telling me how much healthier I looked so I weighted myself something I hadn't done since summer and there is was X kilos which I know is a healthy size for a girl of my height I'm almost 5, 6 now. But I couldn't deal with it I wanted to get to X for winter then X for summer, I joined a gym and went everyday for a week cut out the cake and guess what I gained X kilo, so what did I do limit my food supply the thing that work in the past but back fired on me I had desert one night and felt bad I'd broken my diet and for the first time ever vomited on the shower it was hard but worth it... Bit then the binges started a whole box and cereal after I came home from my boyfriends because I didn't want toast for breakfast I wanted my healthy cereal but I ate the whole box, then I fasted for 3 days then ate 5 Danishes and the dinner my nan cooked when I visited, I purged shortly after all these binges, they kept going on I'd eat healthy for a week then binge then purge it become twice a week now it's every second day. I weigh X kilos but have for about 2 months with this binge purge cycle and I can't stop!

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