Bloating - The Big Issue
I feel like everything else in my life is out of control and the only thing I can control is my eating, but I can't not eat and then I feel so guilty when I have that I just have to purge. I feel really scared about how it has taken over my life and how alone I feel. I can't tell my mom as I did when I was self harming several years ago and she had a genuine nervous breakdown and that made me feel so guilty and like I messed up my family as well as my own life and so I turned to b/p as a way of punishing myself and gaining control. I'm scared of telling anyone face to face and what they will think of me if I do but I also feel I need some support and can't recover on my own.Hi there, everyone reading this. I just wanted to post something regarding bloating, since it seems to be the big issue during the initial stages of recovery.
I started recovery this past May, so it's almost been seven months, and yes I still have the bloat. It still bothers me, and yes, I wish it would go away.
BUT, I have to say, mentally and emotionally I am in such a healthier place that it is more inconsequential than it used to be (although still bothersome). So I am patient in knowing that the road to healing is a long one, but I am actually rather enjoying the journey!
I like knowing that month by month I am making progress in ALL areas of my life and that slowly the bulimia has slipped away and is being replaced by more confidence, going out more, getting new ideas for things I can do, the "black and white" thinking nearly gone, spending quality time with my family, being PRESENT with life and people, etc, etc., etc.
So, yes it gets better in all ways. Also, I noticed in the beginning my bloat felt 'stuck' down there in my lower abdomen with little movement. Now I am gassy as hell! So that means progress! lol Believe it or not. Hang in there everyone! It is literally brick by brick that we rebuild ourselves.
The bloat will depend from person to person, and taking probiotics and eating fermented foods and kombucha, etc., is VITAL in helping the healing process. In fact, I would say you really must add these to your daily diet in order to help the healing.
In the beginning of my recovery, I wanted to know HOW long the healing would take, and WHEN the bloat would go away, and WHEN my cheeks would return to normal. Now I have patience beyond the scope of what i used to be. My "Black and White" thinking, which we bulimics tend to have as part of this disorder, is NEARLY gone, and I'm finding my thinking being replaced with much healthier thoughts, positive and more uplifting as I think towards the future and all the goodies to come. In general, I am gaining a more gentle and open approach to life. So the bloating, while still bothersome, and some days I wish it would hurry up already!-no longer bothers me as much as it used to.
I was in bulimia for over 10 years, so it's not going to be overnight that I heal myself. The healing process, as a whole, mentally, emotionally, physically, will be individual as much as we are each uniquely divine! The process will be different for each one, some physically healing faster than others. For me, the psychological/mental healing was very fast, and the physical aspects a little lagging! For others, it might be vice versa. The point is to be extremely grateful and proud of yourself for walking the first steps in recovery.
Please continue to put one foot in front of the other! With time, everything will begin to ease up and you'll look back at where you used to be and marvel at the difference in who you are now, much like I stop from time to time to ponder and wonder on the magic of it all, healing and returning to LIFE. It all continually gets better-it has to by the very law of attraction and dedication!
I hope this helps everyone and finds everyone well on their journey in recovery. It is a blessed journey to be on! Hugs to all! : )
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