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Binge Eating Recovery: How The Murder of Sophie Sent me into Binge Eating Hell - And how I got out again!

It was early days in my binge eating recovery, and I simply could not deal with this news...

My beautiful Sophie, my precious Sophie - had been murdered. A lady who I loved and respected so much, I would never see again.

And so I went to the pantry...

My binge eating recovery was on hold. I allowed bulimia to consume me again...

And I ate, and ate, and ate.

I ate until I was so stuffed that the only thing on my mind was the pain in my stomach.

I ate until the pain of being stuffed with food, disguised the pain I was feeling in my heart.

I continued in this way for 3 weeks... until one day, with my head in the sink and the contents of my last binge being flushed down the drain, I looked up and began to cry. I imagined Sophie watching me...

I knew I had to start dealing with her death in a healthier way - nomatter how painful I thought it would be.


How I began Moving Forward in my Binge Eating Recovery

From that day forth, I gave myself permission to feel my feelings - rather than feed them.

I began working on...

I wasn't always successful at this of course (it takes time to learn new ways of dealing with painful emotions!) - sometimes I'd slip up and binge and purge. But I'd forgive myself and promise to try again.

It hurt to feel - I remember sitting in the shower, crying so hard that it felt like I was going to explode. I felt like the pain would never subside...

But it did subside...

And after a long shower, I' took a deep breath and carried on with my day (red, swollen face and all!)...

I had made an important discovery: I could survive my feelings.

As the months went by, the uncomfortable feelings became less powerful...

And sometimes I'd even find myself smiling at a memory of Sophie. Sometimes I felt that she was there, guiding me in her own unique ways.

Allowing myself to feel my feelings enabled me to heal.

It enabled my heart to heal from the pain of losing somebody I loved...

And it enabled me to move forward in my binge eating recovery because I began dealing with my emotions, rather than pushing them down with food.


Allow Yourself To Feel Your Feelings

Precious soul - whatever feelings you are experiencing in your recovery journey, please allow yourself to feel them. I know it can be scary - but I promise you can survive your feelings...

Let them arise, allow yourself to cry, and by doing this - those feelings will pass.

Feeling your feelings will help you to stop binge eating and develop peaceful, relaxed and joyful habits around food.


Why Almost Everybody Experiences Uncomfortable Emotions in Binge eating Recovery

For a long time, you have been pushing your feelings down with food... Bottling them up... out of sight, out of mind! But they are most likely still there - and in your binge eating recovery - those past repressed feelings may surface...

Instead of running from them, embrace them. Instead of trying to binge, purge, or starve the feelings away, see them as an opportunity to grow :)

Allow yourself to feel the uncomfortable feelings...

Allow them to come - and to go.

When you notice yourself having a binge urge - be curious about it...

Could it be that you're running from a feeling?

Stop for a moment and ask yourself the question...

"Precious {insert your name} what's the real issue here?"

Be open to your answers and respond to them with total love and care.

If you notice that your binge urge is being triggered by pushing down emotions, (see other causes of bulimia and binge eating here) then remind yourself...

"Feeling this feeling will help me gain freedom."


What Other Women In Recovery Are Saying About "Feeling Their Feelings"

In The Bulimia Recovery Program's online community "Feeling your Feelings" is a topic that comes up time and time again. To inspire you in your journey, I've shared some of the supportive gems below:


"Believe in yourself babe, and trust that you can handle feeling your feelings without binging... The feelings... the anxiety... It will pass."

"Our feelings are messengers, and if we deny them, we never get the messages they are trying to send :)"

"This feeling won't last forever. Try and stick to SE and soon the joy will return to you and the anxiety will lift, I promise."

"Take a step back and recognize that bad feelings and good feelings are all just feelings--they all come and go"

"The b/p is a way of numbing yourself to feelings, so without it, you will feel an array of very strong, sometimes very difficult emotions. It's not always easy to deal with, but just remind yourself that you are more alive now than ever :-)"


So much love,



Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program