Been Bulimic since I was 13

I've been bulimic since I was 13 and been fighting bulimia since, I'm now 48. I realized it was unhealthy when I was around 20 years of age. Since then I have been to a rehabilitation center in Albuquerque and counseling. As soon as I was done with the eating disorder program, I started binging and purging. I have tried on my own to stop, but I get this huge urge and can't control myself. I find myself feeling so weak that I have no energy to work out or get out and be active. I feel week and I know that some day I'm not going to wake up, and this scares me because I am single parent of three children 17 girl, 14 boy and a 11 girl. I don't want to go for counseling because it will go in my record and I'm trying so hard to get promoted in my job. If I have this come up it will not only prevent me from accelerating but will be an embarrassment and humiliation to have this exposed out to my company and life. Please help me, I don't want to reveal my identity in case other's may read this. Please help :(