Beautiful on the Outside
I'm about to be 18 years old and it makes me sick to think about all the time I've spent over the years obsessing over my weight. This started for me when I was about 12. Growing up, my Mom was obsessive about her weight, took drugs , etc. I was always very skinny when I was younger and in middle school. A size X. When I think back to these years, I remember being SO hungry! I would try to starve myself, end up giving in, and then make up for it by running (I was a Cross Country runner) or not skipping meals. I had very low self confidence throughout my preteens and teens, largely because of the verbal and emotional abuse from my mom. When I hit highschool, I got curvy! I was about 5 foot 4 and a size X , i had big boobs, a big butt, and a little waist. My Mom made fun of me, called me fat, and asked me if i was pregnant. Long story short, this has gone on for years and now I'm living with my boyfriend and feel disgusting eating in front of him. I also suffer from anxiety, and have some drug abuse. I just want to escape everything. I'm BEAUTIFUL when i look in the mirror, but i can never feel that way about myself. I am so self conscious and ocd about my weight and appearance that i become antisocial. i just want to feel normal!
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