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Battle with Bulimia

Three years ago, when I was 15, my father was killed in a plane crash. I was your typical "daddy's girl". I told him everything, and we were best friends. When this happened it felt like the rug had been torn out from under me in the most violent and shocking way. Inside I was screaming, while on the outside I was smiling and laughing. Everything I did was so forced. I was losing control of my life and felt like nothing mattered anymore. I had never been fat, not even slightly overweight. I was 5 ft 5 and weighed X pounds. But I had reached a point in my life where I felt like I was on the outside of my life looking in, not actually living my life. The only thing I found I could control was my body. So, two months after my dad's death, I threw up. I did it twice in that one day, then three times the next. A week or so went by without any purging, but that didn't last. I began throwing up immediately after I ate around 9-10 times a week. At this point in my life I hadn't associated my bulimia with my father's death, it was just a habit I had fallen into.
I continued this streak of purging, and although I never really binged I continued eating an average amount, I was extremely unhealthy. I had constant sore throats and swollen cheeks and my throat hurt to the touch. My heart beat was extremely irregular and I suffered from heart burn frequently. My mom had not noticed yet, but when It came time for my annual check up, my doctor certainly did. I had dropped to X pounds, my cheeks were swollen, my glands were swollen, I had bloodshot eyes, and an irregular heartbeat. With the help of my doctor, a therapist, my family, and friends, I was on the road to recovery. It has been nearly three years now and I have gone three months without throwing up, a new record!
If anyone reads this who is on the cusp of bulimia, I just want to say be careful. It can start out as a seeming normal and healthy thing and turn into something dangerous and scary. The recovery is a long, long, and painful process. Be careful!

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program