I know there is a mixture of things that cause bulimia. Childhood traumas, the availability of unhealthy junk foods everywhere you look, and poor self esteem just to name a few. When I think about what caused this disorder in me, I would say it's all three, along with many others things.
Knowing the factors that cause it however, never helped me to recover. I'm a curious person, so naturally when I developed the disorder I decided to read up on the facts. I know them all, the symptoms, the health problems it can cause, the statistics - I mean, there are even tips on the internet that encourage the disorder. It's a scary world that we are living in.
The truth is, food tastes good! It can change our moods, comfort us when we are lonely, or distract us from what goes on in the real world when it all becomes a little to much. We pour our thoughts and emotions into the food, and rely on it's taste to balance out the stress of every day life.
It becomes a release, an out of body experience to eat - I know I never felt like I was in my own skin when the monster came out. Any one who has had this disorder would know, it's not pretty, it's not controlled and it makes you feel worthless and so ashamed. It's a vicious cycle that strikes in times of stress and depression. The only way you can break out of it is if you want to stop, for your health or for your life. You stop when you realize the high is not worth the sacrifices you make for the taste.
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