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Ashamed and still fat

I'm a 44 year old woman who first started bulimia about 13 years ago. I've always been overweight and had tried everything I could and just couldn't lose weight. I thought maybe if I could just get rid of (purge)the extra food, I would be okay. It was just temporary until I came up with a plan. I wasn't like everyone else. My situation was different. My problem was different. Yea right.

13 years later and still I'm doing it. My situation is not as bad as some others I've read. I purge maybe 3-5 times a week so I even feel guilty about "complaining" about it when so many others suffer more seriously than I do. I hide it from my husband. I would be mortified if anyone in my life knew. Absolutely humiliated. I'ts a young person's disease. Why can't a woman my age just learn to accept herself and move on? I wish I knew.

About 6 years ago, I started to get GERD and acid reflux and I'm worried that it's because of my purging. Or maybe its because of my weight. I'm scared, I'm miserable. I want to stop, but worry that until I get my overeating under control, I can't becuase then I'd gain even more weight and then be even more miserable.

I know I'm sick, but don't know what to do to stop both the overeating and the purging.

Thanks for listening.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program