After 20 years;The Worst Day Ever - Jays bulimia story

by Jay
(USA)

My name is Jay and I've been bulimic for nearly 20 years. I haven't seen any other posts from guys, so I don't know if this just a site for women, or if there just aren't that many guys out there who have lived through this.

My problems with food began as a young child, but I don't think I really became bulimic until about 13 or 14. As a very young child, I was quite the mamma's boy and my mother worked the night shift. I can remember countless nights as a 3 or 4 year old eating dinner with my family before my mom went to work. Right before she'd have to leave, I'd make myself throw up in hopes she wouldn't go to work and she'd stay home to take care of me.

Some of my worst memories have revolved around food. My bulimia has been a part of me from my teens, to college, to a 9 year military career, to a successful job, marriage, and family. One of my lowest and most embarrasing moments was during a binge/purge while my 2 year old son was in the next room. He saw me head for the bathroom, and after a while came to the door because he knew I wasn't around. He turned the handle but it was locked and I know he could hear me. He was crying and asking if his daddy was okay. I hope he never remembers.

I've read several stories on this site, and it's amazing how much of the same experiences I've lived through. I'm the ultimate in disappearing after meals. It's easy to disappear to the garage to throw up in a bucket, or to walk in the woods and cover everything with leaves and dirt. I honestly don't know how my wife hasn't caught me with all the excuses I've come up with to be alone after I eat. My mood swings are terrible afterwards, and I know it's hurting not only me, but my family.

Some of my worst times are when I'm alone. Unfortunately, I travel a lot for work which is never a good thing. Sometimes I order 5 or 6 sandwiches from a fast food place. I even order two drinks so it looks like it isn't all for me. (like the kid working there is going to know me or something) I can't keep doing this. I'm glad I found this site.

I've never really talked about this with anyone, and I'm glad to have come across this site. I want to beat this.