A Demon Inside of Me... BULIMIA
by Itza Martinez
How can we stop it? Why it is so addictive? I pray to God every day to get this demon of bulimia out of my brain and body.I am 21 years old and I been bulimic seen I have 17 years old.
In 2008 I told my boyfriend about my problem because I wanted it to stop it, It didn't work I just learn to hide myself more and lie even more, he thinks I recover from it. When I had my first panic attack because of the bulimia I got scare and I told the doctor that I have bulimia, my mom was there and my mom told my dad and I think my whole family knows that I have it. They think now that I no longer have and I prefer that way is something I got and I don't want nobody to suffer again because of me. I went on a psychiatry but it didn't work is just like he doesn't has a clue of what I got, he just knows the definition of the illness.
I think I started the recovery plan today I'm not sure how I know I really begin. I eat my breakfast at 7 am, a cup of coffee and export soda crackers with margarine, 3 hr later I ate a yogurt parfait and a diet coke, then I went out with my boyfriend (he knew that I had bulimia but he thinks that I recover, has no clue that I still have and it breaks my heart because he makes sure that I eat well because he knows about the problems that I have for food but he doesn't know that the more he make me ate the worse my bulimia gets). I drank a pina colada and in the moment I drink it I knew I was going to ate later to purge. So we went to eat and I ate a tuna sandwich with french fries with cheese and left my boyfriend at the house make a stop on Walgreen and I begun my binge/purge. I don't plan to do this I need to know if I stared my recovery or I just think I started. tomorrow I plan not to binge /purge I know I can do it. the most I vomit in a day is 2 times in my bad moments that were in 2009 I vomit 4 times plus in a day but was really rare. I almost made 3 days without the b/p when I'm commit to it. So I know I can do this I did it one I can do out again. When I had the panic attacks in 2009 I recover I think almost 4-6 months I'm not sure but I relapse and I'm back with bulimia again but I'm going to stop it. Know today I'll just stop. That's a promise to myself.
Beautiful girl, please be kind to yourself in this challenging time! Recovery is a journey full of ups and downs and the thing that will get you through it all is SELF LOVE. Treat yourself as you would treat your very best friend - or a young child.
You have started to walk your recovery journey - and for that you should be so proud of yourself. It's normal to slip up in this journey... To make a mistake. That's okay. Be kind to yourself, learn from it and hop back on board!
By the sounds of what you eat, it's to little. Work on gently adding more into your meal plans... If you do not eat enough during the day, it's very easy to slip up and binge at night. You might find some of the meal plans available in The Bulimia Recovery Program
that I run helpful... They will give you a good guideline on what is a normal and healthy amount of food to eat in recovery.
You are doing so well Itza - keep pushing forward because recovery can be yours!
Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.