a bulimia relapse
Here I am, lost again, too many questions no answers. I feel so much better that there is a person like you, so good-hearted and helpful.
I told you that I binged and purged like 3 times the day before yesterday, and yesterday I was feeling ok, was eating normally but suddenly in the evening I thought, 'I did it yesterday why not today' how stupid is that. And it was not because I was very nervous or anything, but my stomach was not feeling very well again.
During the evening I had 2 b/p and they were not very intense, the first time I did not even eat what was in my plate, it was not even much. I was focusing on me during those times, rather than getting light-headed. And I felt so different than before, somehow felt that I am not used to it anymore and it feels strange. It was not delicious at in first place, and it doesn't give me this high I used to have before. I don't know is it a good thing or a bad one. Because, before I had this memory in my head that b/p makes me feel better and high, and now it is not, and it is not so appealing to me. But at the same time,
I did it yesterday and the day before yesterday. Is this a bulimia relapse? What do you think I should be careful about?
Have a great day!
Hi there Ji!
Well done for making all those observations - that's an important step in bulimia recovery. If you're going to binge and purge - you may as well analyze them and try figure out what's going on!
I don't think you could call it a 'relapse' because 18 days is not far enough into your recovery to say that you are 'recovered' I think what you are experiencing is just part of recovery - one of the challenges... One of the obstacles that are horrible at the time - but so exciting once you've beaten!
I remember when I was trying to recover from bulimia - I would often go 1/2 the day doing quite well... then if I'd slip up I would think 'oh well, screw it, I may as well just give up for the rest of the day - i'll start tomorrow'...
And, I see some similar things happening with you...
'I did it yesterday why not today'
What you have really got to try and focus on is every time you slip, pick yourself right back up and look to the future... Don't focus on that past slip because that only gives it more power... Try not to say I'll start tomorrow - or yesterday was bad, so who cares about today...
The problem with doing that is: Every time you binge and purge, it causes your brain to created neural pathways that say BINGE AND PURGE... so thinking you'll just carry on for the rest of the day and start tomorrow (like I used to do) actually reinforces to your brain that this is what it wants to be doing...
On the other side of things - if you feel the urge to binge and purge again (which is very common because one binge/purge does trigger more? Then try slap the cycle in the face... Turn the stereo onto full and dance around like a crazy person if you have to... Anything to snap your brain out of it's thoughts...
Also remember that you're much more likely to fall back into bulimia when you're feeling sad. So do things that make you happy... Things that don't revolve around food or eating... Going for walks, playing your music, hanging out with friends... The happier you can make yourself, the further bulimia will be from your mind...
You're doing well Ji - remind yourself of that - as of now try to be kind to yourself, positive and happy :)
Bye for now,