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40 yrs old and Bulimic since 20 yrs old

by Lucia

Well where do I begin.....I have been a bulimic since 20 years old and have attempted to stop several times. Once I went a whole month without purging. I am attempting it for the second time and it's been a week without purging. I have a party this Saturday which is freaking me out already. I hope to be able to resist the temptation. I have a wonderful husband and four kids. I've never been heavy so I really don't know where my problem begins. Except that maybe I feel like I'm not good enough at times. No one knows my secret but everyone suspects. I can tell they watch me eat.

Now I am at a point where I think that I am becoming a hypochondriac. I feel my food going down my throat and feel like it gets stuck but it doesn't. My back hurts, my tongue hurts....I am a mess. I do have acid reflux and eroded tooth enamel which I am fixing this may by wearing braces and then put caps. I have no idea how I let this go this far. I am having anxiety and I hate myself after I have purged. I am going to stay strong and hope to reach out to this group to get some support. I want to be there for my husband and children in the future. I just want this anxiety to go away? Has anyone experienced this? I hate this feeling of thinking that I have a disease because I know how much harm I've done to my body. Please comment. Thank you.

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Article by Shaye Boddington
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The Bulimia Recovery Program