Your bulimia recovery
Tap here to read more about the bulimia recovery program

My online program and private recovery community has helped hundreds of women beat bulimia.
Click here to learn more

Beat bulimia using my online recovery program and private community. Hundreds of women who were just like you have done the same!

Click here to learn more Member Login

24 Years of bulimia

by J

I am 37 years old and will be 38 in July. This will sound like rambling but here goes. This is also my first "full confession" I have had eating issues since I was about 11 but had my first purge at age 14...

I grew up in a strict but loving family. I was lucky to also grow up with a grandmother who lived with us and took care of us. I have a sister who is 3 years older. My relationship with food started taking a downturn when I was about 10 and "chubby". I was a cute little kid but as i grew towards puberty i was fat, awkward with horrible frizzy hair...

Needless to say this did not please my father. He went through a period of being extremely ashamed of me, restricting my food at dinner time so that i would go up to my room and sneak stuff to eat because i was so hungry.

At school i was bullied as well as i approached jr. high i gained weight and gym class was HELL. The boys would call me "beef" and the girls were awful to me I used to go home "sick" all the time. My parents took me to psyciatrists etc. I was so ashamed i had no friends. Therapy did nothing. I felt my dad was ashamed of me because i was fat and ugly, at the time, my sis was in high school, had friends and was thin.

My freshman medical check up had me at 196 pounds. I was so fat. I decided to restrict my intake and within a couple months lost a lot of weight. I became obsessed with eating/ not eating. Then one day I decided to vomit after dinner. My sister walked in on me and told my parents who reacted with total anger (they are in the medical profession). Basically the family felt i was just doing it for "attention".

I then discovered laxatives and would take 30 to 60 exlax in one sitting.

At school everyone talked about how much weight i lost and i got approval from my parents. They liked me thin. I even actually had a bf. Only i NEVER ate at school. I'd binge on food after school. My continued visits to the drug store to get laxatives prompted the pharmacist to ask what they were for. I went to other drugstores. I remember taking so many lax pills that my whole body hurt, pure pain, and i would be laying in bed with racing heart and pure sweat... hoping i wouldn't die.

My restricting/and Bulimia made me thin but not (too thin) By age 18 I was considered pretty by my peers and i had friends. In college i was still very weird with my eating/ ended up in the ER once because of electolyte imbalance, I passed out.

After college my parents bought my sister and me a condo and we lived together. I became less obsessed with my weight and "let myself go". I also became somewhat promiscuous. I pretty much ate/drank whatever and started gaining. Throughout my later 20s I wasn't the "pretty girl" any more. I had no control, My thirties came, I lived in a small apartment, working a good job (Still a great job) and i'd go home every night and drink wine or vodka, binge/ purge and pass out. My weight fluctuated.

The death of my grandmother was traumatic. I never looked "healthy" I looked unkept, fat, and tired.

2 years ago, I bought a condo, which is beautiful, and the struggle continues. Sometimes I will plan my binges. I will go to a fast food place order several hamburgurs, fries, and keep eating until i'd pop. (I'd continue eating what i had after the take out was gone). Last year a boyfriend broke up with me because I wasn't the "hot girl" he once knew..We knew eachother when i was 19 and reunited.

I'm writing because i want to STOP bulimia. My whole body hurts, chest pains, i'm bloated, my face is fat, my skin doesn't look good. I'm disgusted with myself everytime i buy garbage bags I know deep down what i'm really using them for. I have never had a meaningful relationship and i can't really talk to my family because they think I "should have grown out of it".

I used to never consider myself a "bulimic" but after 24 years, I feel i need to face facts. I can't go to my family for support. I need help. Therapy won't work. I'm so glad I found this site. I feel so gross.

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Bulimia Stories.



Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program