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22 years of hell

by C

I had binge eating disorder at 8 developing into anorexia at 17 and bulimia at 20. I have been bulimic for the past 10 years now and simply cannot cope anymore. I have tried to stop many times without success. I have been rushed to A&E with arrythmia and low potassium levels. I have lied to family and lost friends. I cannot talk to anybody. I read your article and finally feel that I have found something that can help me for the first time. How can I keep this optimism going? I'm terrified of waking up in the morning thinking "I'll just purge for one more day..." I want my life back. I've now discovered my teenage sister is bulimic. I'm racked with guilt and feel like the biggest failure on earth. I have to stop this to help her as well as myself.

Shaye Says

Hi C!

I am sorry to hear of all the struggles you have had with bulimia! I promise you though, if you are strong enough to live with bulimia (which you know is not easy!) Then, you are strong enough to beat it!

Try not to put pressure on yourself to recover overnight... This will only dash your spirits if you slip up. Rather accept that recovery is a journey and that as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other - you will get there! Accept that there will be ups, downs, successes and triumphs... And, accept that there will be slips... Right now, promise yourself to work on self kindness and forgiveness.. Because you will need both of these things if/when you slip. Treat slips with curiosity - rather than criticism... Ask why you slipped rather than judge yourself for it. Be a detective :)

Take the step today by planning your meals for tomorrow. 3 meals and 3 snacks to act as stepping stones throughout the day. Aim at sticking to at least 1-2 of your planned meals... More if you can. Then, build on this the following day. Little steps add up!

Please don't feel guilty about your sister... Guilt is an emotion which does not heal us at all. Rather work on pushing forward with helping yourself - and then your sister. One day you will both be able to look back on this and smile - thinking it brought you closer - rather than pushed you apart. Both me and my sister were bulimic - and now we can talk about it freely. Keep pushing forward and you - and your sister - will be the same!


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Article by Shaye Boddington
Author of
and creator of The Bulimia Recovery Program and Community

The Bulimia Recovery Program