20 year Anniversary...my marriage to bulimia.
I'm 36 years old. I started binging and purging at age 16....20 years later, I have thrown up at least every day since, many days more than once. I do not know how or why I am still here. I've had seizures, black outs, and emergency room trips that led to several day hospitalization stays while potassium slowly dripped from an IV into my veins. There were times the hospital staff could not even find a vein due to severe dehydration. The alternatives in those situations are to put the IV in your neck or foot. It is horrifying to know what I have done to myself and those that care about me. It has only been in the past year that I have truly tried recovery. BUT, I HAVE FAILED...for a year, I have failed. And, for the first time in my life, I am truly scared. I'm scared I will never recover. In 20 years, I had never really tried to seriously quit. And, now, I am faced with the knowledge that I HAVE tried and I HAVE FAILED. I don't want to live like this anymore.
You have not failed precious girl - because you are still trying! It is when you give up trying that you have failed.
I promise, I promise, I promise - you can beat this. Give up dieting, nourish your body, respect your taste buds, practice self love and treat yourself with unlimited kindness. You can recover! xx
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