12 Years of Bulimia...a little less than half my life!!
I wanted to share my story after stumbling across this incredible recovery program.
From the age of 8 until 13, I competed for the county in spring board diving. I spent 3 hours most days training and I remember climbing out of the pool so hungry that I didn’t know what to eat first. My mum praised me for eating after a training session and rewarded me with food! I was so tiny from all the exercise and never seemed to gain any weight regardless of these after training binges. I never purged after eating, I just compulsively ate whatever I could. This was my first memory of abnormal eating behaviors.
My disease took a different direction at the age of 15. Hitting puberty meant that I gained weight and I hated the way I looked. I hated the change in my body so I joined a dieting club. I told my mum I would lose X stone and I’d be happy. Low and behold I became totally obsessed and dieted my way to a skinny X stone X. The Anorexia started and I pretty much starved myself for the next year. However, I still didn’t think I had a problem. My best friend approached me at the age of 16. I was so frail and she said that she would tell my mum if I didn’t and that she wanted to help me. After many tears and arguments with this friend I allowed her to tell my mum as I realized I was desperate for help. I convinced my mum that I would recover myself but I had no idea how to eat ‘normally’. So the anorexia quickly switched to bulimia. I ate my way through boxes of cereal and crackers but as the disease progressed these healthy foods turned into boxes of biscuits and packs of chocolate. Every one around me kept telling me how delighted they were that I had gained weight but deep down I knew that consuming huge such huge amounts of food in short spaces of time was totally abnormal. University was tough. I was constantly replacing my flat mates food that I would steel during binges and blowing all food shopping budgets. I hid food wrappers, I drove to get food in the middle of the night, I did all sorts of embarrassing things and they just got worse and worse.
For the next 10 years I tried to recover. I dipped in and out of different recovery programs. I had councilor sessions, I was hypnotized, I saw dieticians, doctors, I did self-help recovery. I basically tried every form of recovery on offer and in-between trying to get well I binged and purged. If it wasn’t making myself sick, I would take laxatives and over exercise.
Two years ago I found myself a boyfriend. He had three years recovery from drug addiction. He soon found out about my bulimia and suggested I tried Overeaters Anonymous, a recovery program based on 12 steps, similar to Alcoholics Anonymous. I did and I had a years worth of good recovery. It was tough but it was the best year and I lived an amazing life beyond my wildest dreams. I was serene and at peace with myself. However, after one year our relationship ended and I relapsed and have since been trying to get that recovery back. I dream of being free of this ugly disease again.
I stumbled across this site at the weekend and after downloading the tools and watching the videos I have never been so inspired and what’s more I’ve been free from bulimia! I love every thing about this program. But this time around I will do whatever it takes to recover. I don’t want Shaye’s program to be like all the others. I want it to make a difference and rid me of this disease once and for all. I want my life back and I want to start living opposed to just existing. Today I am so grateful I found this website.
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